Author's Note: I put up the first two chapters of the first draft months ago, and while people wanted to read the rest, I found myself too busy rewriting the whole book to hell and back to post anymore of the first drafts. Seeing as how the whole third draft is now done, and some people desired to read the whole thing, I'll be putting up the entire third draft. My goal is to put up one new chapter daily, or at least bi-daily. We'll see, but thanks for reading in the meantime.
The Blood
Book 1: Rubedo
by Dark Sploosh
Chapter 1: Dogs
Nicholas could hear birds chirping behind the six-foot wooden fence, probably going to town on the birdbath in the backyard. The owner of the house, an old lady that Nicholas never talked to, had just pulled out of her driveway and sped off not ten minutes ago. As soon as Nicholas saw her car head into town, he knew it was time. In one minute he had run back up to his room, collected everything he needed, and returned outside to begin.
Now he crouched behind the bushes between the old woman’s house and the wooded area that framed the village of Carlson Forest. With trembling hands, he went over his supplies. He was on his fifth check now, trying to ignore the slickness of his palms. He tried to tell himself it was the hot May sun above, but he didn’t believe it for a second.
Notebook. Pen. The vials. All in the suitcase.
Six checks. Things were getting ridiculous, but Nicholas felt no one could blame him for being nervous. He was about to break the law. A minor law, and he wouldn’t be hurting anybody, but that didn’t bother him too much. What was behind that fence was the problem.
Seven checks. But that woman wouldn’t be gone forever. She could have gone shopping, or out to dinner with a friend, or a million other things that all had to end sooner or later. If he was caught, that was the end of it.
Eight checks. Damn it, it’s all there, just go already!
Breathing deep, and giving a last look around to make sure no one was around to see him, Nicholas burst from the bushes and jumped at the fence, throwing one leg over with his momentum, the suitcase in his right hand following. The wooden spires dug into his fingers, but it was momentary. The rest of his body followed him over the top and, careful to avoid dropping the suitcase, he landed in the yard.
He didn’t let go of his breath. His eyes darted around the yard, the green square seeming much smaller than it should have. In front of him, by the oak tree, was the birdbath he had heard, its inhabitants scattering with twittering splashes upon Nicholas’s arrival. The thing that caused Nicholas’s fear however, was nowhere in sight.
The gasp of air escaped him, and he collapsed to the ground, taking a moment to get his bearings. In the grass around him were large, dry droppings, the signs of the yard’s regular inhabitant. Nicholas stood up after a moment, checking to see if he had the misfortune of landing in a pile of the dung, but he was clear.
Maneuvering through the minefield, Nicholas approached the back porch of the wooden house, his eyes settling on his target. Two large bowls sat on the porch, one filled with water, the other with untouched food. Falling to his knees beside them, Nicholas opened the suitcase, trying to forget that his enemy could be hiding nearby, and drew out a large, bundled up towel. He unwrapped the towel with care, revealing three small vials of a bright red liquid. Taking one, Nicholas rewrapped the towel and returned it to the suitcase.
He uncorked the vial and went to work, pouring half of its contents over the meaty chunks in one bowl, making sure to evenly saturate the food. Then he dumped the rest of the liquid in the water bowl, stirring it with the empty vial until it disappeared, making it impossible to tell the water had been tampered with.
That was it. Tossing the empty vial back into the suitcase and closing it, he rose to his feet and turned to head back to the fence.
He froze when he heard the clinking of a collar, joined by the grunting and snorting of the very animal he was so afraid of.
There was no time to reach the fence. His heart already racing, Nicholas grabbed the handle on the back door and begged, turning it. It opened easily, left unlocked by a trusting old woman. Nicholas threw himself inside and closed the door behind him, managing to be quiet about it despite his panic.
There was a window in the door, and through that Nicholas watched as the German Shepherd came around the house from the front and climbed the steps to its meal. It didn’t notice him through the tinted glass.
Nicholas finally felt safe enough to smile. The dog sniffed its food for a second, but then began to eat as it normally would. The added ingredient didn’t matter. This dog probably considered its food flavored.
It didn’t take very long. About a minute after the dog began to lap from the water, Nicholas felt it. In his head, right above his eyes, he felt a small buzzing sensation. It appeared with no glory or fanfare, it just appeared. That was how Nicholas knew he was in control.
Just to be safe.
Nicholas pictured the dog looking right up at him, through the glass. As he did, the dog stopped its eating and tilted its head upward, meeting his eyes with what could almost be called a curious expression.
His fear gone now, Nicholas opened the door and stepped out onto the porch, smiling down at the animal. Getting on his knees, he began to pet the creature, and it let him, just like he wanted it to.
Nicholas opened the suitcase and drew out a dark blue notebook and a pen. As he did, he wished for the dog to go down into the yard and roll around on the ground. The creature did just that without hesitating, kicking up dirt and dust as it flopped and rolled, completely under Nicholas’s control. He turned to the newest page in the notebook, following his observations on cats and birds, and began to write.
Subject: German Shepherd
Status: Positive
Process: 25 ml in food, 25 ml in water. Subject consumed from both for roughly one minute before control was established.
That would have to do. If this was properly scientific he would have recorded the volume of the water in the bowl and a bunch of other things, but being as it was all for his own reference, it didn’t really matter.
Just as Nicholas returned his notebook to the suitcase, he heard it. A loud bark, aimed right at him. His eyes shot up. There in the yard was the same German Shepherd he had taken control of, still following his orders, still rolling in the dirt.
Next to it was another dog. Nicholas glanced back at the bowls. Big bowls. Too big for just one animal.
No time to think. The new Shepherd growled, its teeth set in a feral sneer. It would get him before he could run for the door again and escape. Nicholas only had one choice.
The buzzing in his brain still joined him to the other dog. Without hesitation, Nicholas imagined it attacking the second one.
It was frightening, what happened. The dog rolled to its feet in an instant, its eyes alight with protective rage, its teeth barred to kill. One bark ripped from its muzzle before it lunged at its companion, biting down on its neck. A high pitched yelp split the air, before all was lost in the cacophony of snarling, barking and growling. The two animals ripped and tore at one another, fast and violent. One defended itself, the other had no choice.
Nicholas bolted for the fence. He didn’t want to be seen going out the front door, so he had no choice. The dogs were too occupied with trying to kill each other to pay attention to him, but having that noise right behind him made Nicholas want to shout for help. He scurried over the fence and dropped to the other side, taking off into the woods and making his way back home.
The sound of the battle behind him was terrifying. The only thing he could do was try to end it. Focusing on the buzz, he willed it to go away. It faded from his mind in a second, like a tiny engine dying. The control was broken, just like that, but Nicholas knew in the back of his mind that wouldn’t be enough. Based on all his past experiments, that dog would keep fighting until it or its enemy was dead.
Nicholas tried not to think about it as he ran home.
#
Nicholas reached his home out of breath. He had run the entire way, trying to forget what he had just done. It wasn’t so much the dogs he was worried about, but the old woman who lived there. He didn’t want to think about her reaction if she returned home and found one or both of her dogs dead.
It doesn’t matter. There’s nothing I can do about it now.
Emerging from the woods, Nicholas climbed over the short chain link fence behind his house, a far easier feat than vaulting over tall wooden ones, and slipped inside the kitchen through the sliding glass doors. It had been kind of risky leaving them unlocked, but traveling behind all the houses through the woods had been his safest bet, so he took the chance.
Inside it didn’t look as if anything had been stolen. Taking in the AC, Nicholas sat his briefcase down on the kitchen table, took his notebook out of it, and grabbed a soda from the fridge. One drink later he was collapsed in a chair, thumbing through his notes and reflecting on what he had just done.
As much as he had been dreading it, it had turned out to be much more exciting than he planned. Dangerous and frightening, but it seemed like those became excitement with just a bit of time. Besides, he had finished his list of all the animals in the neighborhood with that German Shepherd. It was a great achievement, but it also signified the end of the simple stage. Simple by comparison to what had to come next, anyway.
Leaning back in his chair and sighing, Nicholas studied the ceiling and focused on a single thought, the basis of everything that was to come if he truly was going to go through with it all.
Will this stuff, he thought, glancing over at the suitcase, work on humans?
Never before had he even attempted it. It wasn’t a question of ethics at all; he wasn’t going to hurt anyone, he just wanted to know if it was possible. It would have made a great source of feedback as well, being as animals weren’t that great at communicating details. The problem was that for a human test subject to really help Nicholas figure out the extent of the effect upon humans, they would have to know what he was doing to them.
Before he could finish his soda, Nicholas felt a very basic need arise in him. Getting to his feet, he climbed the steep stairs to the second floor and went into the bathroom. After getting his business done, he washed his hands and paused to look at himself in the mirror.
Although he didn’t like telling people, Nicholas was fond of his own appearance. He was tall and thin, and had an attractive face, as far as he knew. The problem was his parents, who always felt he needed two things: more sunlight and a haircut.
He did like to go outside; he just always stayed under trees. As for his hair, he felt his parents should be glad he kept it neat and clean. Besides, he had always liked the contrast between his skin and his dark blonde hair. At least his parents never complained about his eyes; they said green showed off his ancestry or something like that.
But he wouldn’t have to listen his parents complain for a while. He had the entire house to himself for a few weeks, something which wasn’t uncommon in a household where both parents worked for a corporation and business trips were common.
The sound of the doorbell chimed throughout the house. Sighing, Nicholas left the bathroom behind and went downstairs to the front door, hoping with everything he had that it wasn’t solicitors. He hated having to deal with those on his own.
He pulled open the door and found that it was not a solicitor. It was a cop.
“Excuse me young man, but we need your help.”
Nicholas felt a sickness rise in his stomach, his mind flashing back to the scene of the two dogs.
“Uh, with what, officer?”
The officer didn’t look very familiar. In a small town like Carlson Forest, you got used to seeing what the cops looked like. He must have been new or something.
“We’re looking for someone, and we know she’s hiding out in this neighborhood.”
The sickness resided.
“Who is she, officer?” Nicholas asked.
“I can’t exactly tell you that,” the officer said, looking past Nicholas into the house. “Let’s just say that she needs to be caught, the sooner the better. Have you seen her?”
Nicholas raised one eyebrow. There was something about the cop that struck him as odd.
“No,” he said, “I haven’t seen her. I’ve been outside on a walk, and I haven’t seen anything weird.”
“Well…” the officer said.
“I’ll call the cops if I see her,” Nicholas said. “I’m going outside again later, so there’s a good chance I might spot her if she’s still around.” Not like I even know what she looks like.
The officer scratched his head, and then shrugged.
“All right, see you later.”
Then the cop turned and walked back to his cruiser. Frowning, Nicholas closed his door and walked back to the kitchen, grabbing his soda and finishing it off.
Real cops aren’t that stupid. Didn’t tell me what this girl did, didn’t say what she looked like, and didn’t even ask to search the place.
He didn’t get to think on it much longer, though. From the kitchen table, he had a good view of his backyard through the sliding glass doors. Someone came running around the house and jumped over the fence, landing right in Nicholas’s backyard.
A girl to be precise. Nicholas didn’t even need to guess who she was. He remained immobile, watching as the girl looked around his yard for a few seconds before scurrying under the clump of bushes near the neighbor’s fence. She just huddled there, hands over her head, as if the world was about to end.
A few seconds later she poked her head out from the bushes. Seeing her face, Nicholas decided it was time to stop standing around and do something. Opening the door, he leaned out into the yard and shouted at her.
“Hey! What are you doing?”
Her eyes shot to his, fear dominating her expressions.
“Oh shit,” she said, eyes wide as she crawled out from beneath the bush. Springing to her feet, she ran straight at Nicholas, as if she would somehow make it past him and through the open door.
Nicholas blocked her path, but she didn’t put much effort into getting past him.
“Hey, I asked what you’re doing here!” Nicholas said, trying not to pay attention to the fact that the girl was about his age and not wearing anything besides a black tank top and matching miniskirt. The girl’s lip curled in frustration, but her eyes were still scared.
“Look, please, just move out of my way!”
She tried to push past him, but he stood his ground.
“Hey!”
Nicholas looked up, and felt his annoyance turn into fear. The cop from a minute ago was on the other side of the fence, his face red and his body huffing. His gun was drawn and pointed right at Nicholas and the girl. Nicholas raised his arms out of instinct, but that gave the girl the opening she needed to worm her way inside.
“Stop her!” the cop shouted, climbing over the fence. Nicholas didn’t know what else to do except obey. He turned and ran back inside the house. From the kitchen he could see the girl trying the front door, but she glanced back at Nicholas before she could get it unlocked and bolted for the basement. Nicholas reached her before she could open it, grabbing her arm.
She looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes framed by dark circles. Nicholas got his first good look at her, surprised by how pretty she was, even though her dark hair was messy and her skin and clothes were caked with dry mud.
“Please,” she begged. “Please don’t let them get me.”
This is really stupid, Nicholas thought, trying to look away. Those eyes are an act, have to be. Why should I trust her? And protect her from a cop? Why would she expect me to do that?
He was going to keep holding on and give her away. There was no reason to protect her, no matter how pretty or desperate she was. For all Nicholas knew, she had killed someone.
Nicholas looked back at the cop, but his eyes instead fell upon his suitcase, lying open on the table. He thought of what was inside, and realized this was his best chance.
Letting go of the girl’s arm, he gestured for her to get in the basement. Her fear melted into a smile, one that made Nicholas’s chest go warm, and then she disappeared inside, closing the door behind her.
This is stupid, this is stupid, this is so stupid!
There was no choice now. Nicholas ran back to meet the cop just as he reached the living room.
“She went upstairs!” Nicholas shouted, pointing in the general direction of the steps. Nodding, the cop ran off. Nicholas heard him go plodding up the stairs. For a few seconds Nicholas stood there, running the plan through his head. There was really only one way to do it.
He reached inside the wadded up towel in the suitcase and drew out a vial of the red liquid. The key to his powers.
“Now,” he whispered as he slipped the vial into his pocket, “how do I get this inside you, officer?”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I didn't read the first draft either. I found this very captivating. I'm going to go read the rest now.
Im sorry I haven't read the first draft you put up but I absolutely loved this!
can't wait for more!
(Not much of a review is it?)
It's great to see how much progress you've made with this in the past few months. It's excellent! The new beginning is definitely much faster and better at getting the reader's interest. There are only a few things I want to say, but they're basic grammar mistakes, so nothing major. Just a little red pen work
This was just a little awkward because of the two 'around's. Not difficult to fix.
The only thing about this was that you had the entire sentence in italics, when "he thought," being part of the narrative, should not be italic.
This part confused me momentarily as I was reading it because of the tenses. Perhaps instead of using past participle for the second sentence, you could consider future tense, since, at this point in the narrative, it is still only a consideration and hasn't yet happened. The way you have it written now, it sounds like the MC tried and failed.
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This sentence struck me as awkward, as it made it sound like the town had a high crime rate and you constantly saw cops everywhere, growing accustomed to their uniforms. Perhaps you could rephrase it as something more like, "you get to know everyone, even the cops" or something along those lines. Just a small clarification issue.
Like I said, it's really evolved in the past few drafts, and now you've just gotten to the random little nit-picks that can only really be noticed by people who haven't already read it a million times, as I'm sure you have. I'm looking forward to the next installment, and I hope this helped.